Start this book after finish “Focus” by the same author, author give a deep insight on the connection of emotional and physical body, case study on how emotion cause life changes event and how we could improve our emotional intelligence. Obviously i am more focus on the self-development and business application section, if you guys interest in the depression / parenting topic please go and check out more.
Key-points i have taken from the book:
1. Love/sexual satisfaction is a relaxation response which is an opposite of fight / flight response
2. People have 2 minds : Rational mind vs. Emotional mind
3. Emotional hijacking: when certain emotion trigger amygdala (sort of almond shape stuff in your brain) and we failure to activate the our rational mind. A common cause of why we freak out and cant think straight after we trigger by certain “event”. Like we cry like a baby after hearing the favorite song with your exes.
4. Similarly, Neutral Alarm is our brain will get triggered and look for a “match” for past experience. Lets say you play like shit in a basketball game and your brain will look for the past experience when you suck and that will become your “reality” for now.
5. One way to enhance our EQ: Know thyself, means “aware of own feeling”. Few way to cheer yourself up
– Treats + Sensual Pleasure ,e.g. Eat a cheat meal burger + SPA
– Achieve and celebrate small success
– Cognitive Re-framing – if you shoot 10 three pointer but only hit 1, instead of beating yourself up for the 10% accuracy, think you actually make 10 field attempts and taking right action!
– Charity , offering value to others and have a good feeling
6. Flow : A state of mind that you just do your task effortless and everything seems automatic, that involve self-forgetful and losing self-conscious. How to enter the mental state of “flow” ? Sharp focus and challenge yourself with slightly higher difficulty than your normal task, if the difficulty too high you might feel anxious but if it’s too low you might feel bored.
7. Social Competence
Emotion are Contagious, if you stay with someone very happy you will become happy also. When you make other feel good and have a better positive emotion, you are normally being described as “popular” or “Charismatic”. Normally when 2 people interact, the one which is stronger and forceful in expression feeling he would be the “cause”, and the other person who is passive will be the “effect”
8. Why man and woman are so different ( this topic never get old )
Main reason are schooling – parents and teacher are have higher tendency to talk about “feeling “ with girls during the childhood. Second reason is girl reach Puberty earlier than boys which they have earlier access to all those books / TV who involve “feeling” than boys are too busy to hit each others penis.
9. EQ in relationship management
Warning sign of a failure relationship
– Harsh criticism : Sarcastic or verbal abusive language
– Criticize but not complaint: a complaint is not criticism, complaints is criticize a person ’s action but criticism is criticize purely the person.
– In-congruence dialogue / body language: When you make a statement about something or claim you are OK but you actually don’t.
10. Fleeding – a state that in Cantonese equal to “fire cover your eye” and people just say all kinds of stupid shit.When you feel your heart rate go up , there are emotional hijack and you start to remember the last fight.
11. How to argue in a more healthy way ?
– De-escalate the conversation
– Keep on track on the topic
– Make sure other half is being listen
– Tension Reduction
– Call “time out when things get out of hand”
12. Good way for complaint <XYZ> Method
Simply put the statement in You do X , make me feel Y , can you do Z instead ??
12. How to combine EQ and IQ in work
Many people worry if put in emotional / feeling involved in work place will affect their professional work flow. However we should understand when we neglect the emotional piece or your team have really negative emotion, people can’t remember, attend, learn and make stupid decision. There is a saying “ Stress make people stupid”.
The art of making criticize in work place
– Acknowledge what others have done
– What can do better
– Not on offensive / defensive mode but in co-operate/we are same team mode
Great competent to be involved :
– Specific: give exact details of what you think can improve the project
– Offer solution : Input directly to enhance the project
– Present : Make it face to face , private instead of a mass email to notify the whole world
– Empathy : Take the receipt feeling into account
13. How prejudice / stereotype is formed.
Most of this prejudice is formed since in our childhood thru emotional learning, while we grown up our RAS ( our focus) will keep looking for facts to support our belief.
14. Impulse Control tips, aware which light you are at and do the action Red
1. Stop, clam , take a deep breath
Yellow 2. Say the problem and how you feel
3. Set a positive goal
4. Think of different possible solutions
5. Think of the consequence of different cause of actions
6. Go ahead and try the best plan
Overall i think its a good book, despite the usage of words can be quite difficult possibly due to the high academic background of the author. It cover a wide range of topics which involve our EQ. Compare to “focus” i believe this one is more academic and how EQ affect our society which “focus” is more on how we can improve our EQ in day-to-day life.
Hope you all enjoy a little review from this book ! Until next time !
Check out the <Emotional Intelligence> from bookdepository.com !