Do you have a high self-esteem ??
One of the best self-development book i ever read in these years, it combine a prefect mix of reality and our mind on how to make us a better person.
To begin with , the theme of the book consist of
1. What is self-esteem
2. Why is self-esteem important
3. What to do to raise self-esteem
4. How other influence our self-esteem
There are 2 side of self-esteem, internal and external
Internal is our own idea/ practice/ belief and behavior
External is environment, experience, society, parents, culture
There are 2 danger when discussing self esteem, one is we looking for quick fix / easy solution and second is we believe is assumption.
So what exactly is self esteem ?
1. Confidence of our ability to think and cope with challenges
2. Confidence in we could be happy , entitlement of what we want and achieve our value
There is a feedback loop at Action >> Self-esteem >> Action>> Esteem
For ppl with high self-esteem, when we see difficulty we persist, for ppl with low self esteem they give up.
Comparing people with high self esteem and low self esteem:
People with higher self esteem tend to be more ambitious to experience more in life , also more expressive for their inner rich, in contrast, ppl with low esteem tend to “prove” themselves thru external validation and living mechanically.
Similar level of self-esteem people tend to attract each other.
Foundation of Love : Consider yourself as lovable, appreciation and love others. Its interesting to see people need to “tolerate” happiness without self-sabotage if they think they don’t deserve happiness. Its come down to a self-fulling prophecies – who we generate action and turn our mind into realities.
People with high esteem is like having a good immune system. We will still feel sick, knocked down once a while but we can easily come back.
Its important to notice self-esteem is different from ego boasting / bragging. If my aim is to PROVE “ i am enough”, that can go into infinity as this issue is not debatable and we always have “one more “.
Another view of self-esteem can also be self-efficacy and self respect.
Emotional award for our own achievement is called “Pride”. Its important for us to understand “ Who chose your goal ?”
For people who high self esteem are tend to have these characteristic
1. Direct / Honesty
2. Not tie to “prefect”
5. Intuition – cope with unexpected
6. Creativity – we respect and develop inner signal
7. Independence, we take full responsibility of full existence
8. Flexibility – we adopt fast changes
9. Willingness to admit mistake – we weight fact more than belief
Self esteem also affect emotional incentives, the source of self-esteem is internal, it hide in what i do , not others do.
What are some exercise to generate self-esteem?
– Sentence completion work ( in the book there are more than 50 pages of reference which you can work on different pillar of self-esteem, its act more like an inner dialogue to explore your feeling on certain subject)
– Six Practices which as describe below:
1. Living consciously
Aware of everything that bears on our action, purpose, value and goals and to be best of our liability. Any conscious not become action is a betray of your mind
-Responsibility toward reality > not wish/fear /denial
– Being concern if congruent > if not > re-through action/goal
– Look for feedback to adjust action
– Receptive of new knowledge and re-evaluate
– Accept and correct mistakes
– Seeking for growth
Feel what you feel, and accept the experience (what is, is !), accept is not “like” / “enjoy”. If we truly cannot accept a feeling, accept the resistance !
3. Self responsibility
Responsible for your action / goal. Now one owe me the fulfillment of my own wishes. its important to know we only responsible for things that we can control. and best line to remind us is “No one is coming “, make it happen our self !
4. Self assertiveness
normally when people speak their mind, either in defensive, begging for forgiveness, arrogant mode. Honoring my want / need / values / form of expression and refuse to fake my person to be liked.
what is sign of self assertiveness
– ask question – challenge authority – think for oneself – send light of consciousness
5. Living purposefully
“conscious purpose” <<<<<>>>>>>>”living at mercy of chance”
Be specific on your purpose, not “try my best “ but precisely defined what is the action and your goal.Apply in business and personnel life. have a detail action plan on
Formulate goal consciously >> identify action need >> monitor behaviors > pay attention to outcome.
Balance of Living at the present and planning of the future.
6. Personnel Integrity
Am i honest ? reliable ? trustworthy ? even to myself ??
make it simple, integrity = congruence
do i act and say what i through / feel ?
how is self esteem relate to psychopathology ?
for any feeling ? don’t hide it > go deep and explore it
Famous quote from Freud: Detective is crime is known and find the criminal, psychopathy is know the criminal and find the crime.
Are there 7th pillar of self-esteem ?
Living consciously need damn effort !! Act against the inertia ! your current identity will want to pull you down as to preserve energy ! Fuck laziness and fuck avoid discomfort is the new pillar of self-esteem
Overall i think its a complete self-esteem discovery / building book and i can relate much after finish “the power of now “ and “awaken the inside giant” as 3 books all focus on living consciously, acceptance and the importance of taking action and don’t be a day time sleepwalker. I strongly suggest if you want to go deep on the book try on the sentence completion exercise to further discover your inner-self.
Until next time !