Did you speak the right language to your girlfriend / wife ?
People steak different love language, like someone speak English, someone speak Japanese, its so important to know what our spouse language, so can communicated of love.
For all the feeling of “In Love”, normally will last for 2 years, afterward all the routine / resentment will turn away love.
It’s easy when a relationship going down, we tend to think “Next one is going to be better. However according to survey in the US, the divorce rate for the 1st time <2nd time ❤rd time!! Basically by statics, you have a more lousy marriage is higher rate than the first time. Instead of thinking give up, think about expand your energy to benefit other person, Love is an attitude with appropriate behavior.
Love Language #1: Words of affirmation
Use verbal compliment, word of appreciation to express your love to others, use encouraging words to inspire courage, always use kinds words, request the words of affirmation, but not demand.
Love Language #2: Quality time
Spending Quality with love one means spending QUALITY time with UNDIVIDED attention. When we have the conversation it should be a quality conversation, by what we are hearing by great
- Eye contact (with full attention)
- Undivided attention
- Feel her emotion > confirm with her
- Body Language
- Don’t interrupt
Apart from only listening, we also need to express our own through and feelings, for a self-revelation. A simple routine can be used with 2 people take turn to become: 1. Dead Sea (only receive, never talk back)/2. Babbling brook (keep talking for 60second). Another good way to spend quality time together is do things which at least one of both have interested in.
Love Language #3: Receiving Gift
Gift is the visual symbol of Love, the gift of presence is being there. It’s not about the value of the gift but the effort and understanding beyond the gift.
Love Language #4: Act of Service
DO the things that you know your spouse would love you to do. Remember, request give direction of love, demand stop flow of love. Normally what we do before marriage, will not indicate what we will do after marriage. Also, love is a choice, it cannot be forced. Criticism is the clearest clue to destroy the love flow.
Love Language #5: Physical Touch
Trial and error, sometimes the touch that bring pleasure to you doesn’t mean will bring pleasure to her.
There are many way to discover our primary love language:
- Negative: What hurt you most if your spouse do / not do, say/not say will hurt you / please you the most?
- What have I most often requested from my spouse?
- You way to express love to your spouse is an indicator.
Distinguish the “In love experience” and “emotional need “
“In Love experience “: Those are in level of instinct, un-conscious choice and short lived.
“Emotional need “: Emotion need for love to meet, feeling of admire / appreciate/devoted time.
Sometimes what our spouse like maybe it’s something we are not used to do, but meeting the spouse need is a choice. If the tank of love is empty, we will meet our emotional needs elsewhere!