The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson

Have you read this  all time best seller yet ??


One of the best selling self-help book online , with that title its hard not to be, but in fact i am surprised the content is actually pretty sick.

To start the author suggest a theory called ” Backward Law”, by pursing positive is negative, pursing negative generate positive. For example, by pursing good health , we go to the gym and it bring pain but we generate growth. By open the fear with our insecurity we generate confident, By being honest and unpleasing confrontation it generate trust and respect. Everything worth while in life is won through summoning the associated negative experience. Avoid of suffering is suffering, avoid of struggling is struggling . As Budda say , “Life is suffering “.  To not give a fuck is so stare down life most terrifying and difficult challenge, we take action without giving a fuck. To clarify this point,

  1. Not giving a fuck is not equal to be indifferent, it means being comfortable being different, doesn’t give a fuck means we don’t care adversity in fear of the our goal, pissing people off to do the right thing. You can be important and have life changing without being a joke or embarrassment.
  2. To not give a fuck about adversity, you must give a fuck about something more important than the adversity, means we need to find something meaningful and important to give a fuck, else we will care all little things
  3. Whether you realize or not, you always have the choice on what to give a fuck about.

Problem never SOLVED, they merely got exchanged or upgraded. The secret sauce in “solving” the problem, is not in not having problems in first place. Happiness is a form of action, its an activity, Happiness is a constant work in progress as solving problem is a constant work in progress. For all the negative emotion is a call to action, positive emotion are rewarded for taking proper action. Emotions are like signpost, suggest that our neurology give us, not commandments. Think about “What pain do you want in life “? fulfillment and meaning are earned through struggle that we choose. You cant have the reward without struggle, result without process , victory but not the fight.

In modern days, its easy to catch a entitlement problem. When we think of ” I am awesome and the rest suck” or ” I suck and the rest are awesome “, we looking for special treatment. The biggest realization we can have is – Your problem is not special. Rare people who become exceptional, as they obsess with improvement as they are anti-entitled.

To maximize the value of suffering, we have to change the focus from “How do i stop suffering “? to Why , for what purpose of our suffering ?”  We have to peel our self-awareness onion :

  1. Layer 1: understand one’s emotion
  2. Layer 2 : why I had that emotion
  3. Layer 3: What standard am i judging myself.

A good values should be reality based, socially constructive while its immediate and controllable. A great self improvement practice is to prioritize better value, choose better thing to give a fuck about. The different between a problem being painful or peaceful is how we choose it.

Important of self-responsibility : Responsibility result from choice you are making, every second of the day. You always get to choose how to see / react/ value things. Life is like poker, real games lies in the choice we make with the card, how much risk you willing to take and the consequence we choose to live with .

Seek to be “less wrong” daily, consider our action is our experiment, result is the emotional / through pattern as the data. Certainty is energy of growth, accept the imperfection for growth to take place. The more you try to be certain, the more uncertain it is, by feeling uncertain is the root of all progress, the man who know everything can learn anything. Improvement on anything is based on thousand of tiny failure, Magnitude of success is based on how many time you have failed. Better value are process-orientated and pain is part of the process. Let your action not an effect of motivation but the cause of it. There is a “do something” principle, failure is unimportant when the standard of success become merely acting .

Avoiding rejection give us short-term pleasure by making us directionless in the long term. We must give a fuck about something in order to value something. The desire to avoid rejection, confrontation, is deep and subtle form of entitlement. Consider in a relationship, unhealthy love is 2 people try to escape their problem through emotion to others, use your partner as an escape. Healthy relationship, couple should have boundaries for their responsibility for their problems. For a relationship to be healthy, both people must be willing and able to say NO and hear NO.

In the fear of death, there’s no reason to give in fear or embarrassment or shame. Death is the light by which the shadow of all life’s meaning is measured.  . Give a fuck about something is the only thing that distract us from reality and inevitability of our own death.

Until next time !

Check out the book yourself >>> Shop-Now-Button-copy










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