Are you a giver or a taker ?
Every time we approach others in work place, do we try to claim as much as possible ? or we contribute without worrying receive in return ?
Giver dominate the top and bottom of success ladder . By operating as a giver, create value for yourself while maximize opportunities for value to flow outward and benefit of others.
Taking vs Receiving :
Taking – use other solely for one’s own gain
Receiving – Accept help from others while maintain a willingness to pay back and forward.
In a non zero-sum game, giver succeed in a long run, for a taker, what he care about is wealth, power, pleasure and winning . For a giver, he care about helpfulness, responsibility, social justice and compassion.
Sign of taker in networking
1. Use of Singular ( I, me, my, myself )
2. Compensate : Taker earn far more than other senior executive
The downside of reciprocity – People on the receiving end feel like being manipulated, also, matches has a much smaller network than giver / taker.
Strength of weak ties, for strong tie is a closed friend or a family member, for a weak tie can be acquaintance, people you know casually.
We can try to do it by doing 5 minute favor, just do 5 minute to do something for anybody.
Giver in collibration, for a taker, they see themselves superior and can separate from others, a giver , his interdependence is source of strength, he take the task as group interest. By demonstrating expedition behavior, putting group ‘s goal / mission first, show the same amount of concern for others as yourself.
Lesson from Simpson producer : Show up / work hard / be kind / take a high road.
We all have responsibility bias, we exaggerating our own contribution to other’s input, also its easy to see our effort but hard to see others. To combat the bias , we can make a list of your partner contribute first before you thinking your contribution.
We also have perspective gap, when we are not experiencing psychologically / physical intense state, we dramatically underestimate how much it will affect us. When taker cant cross the gap, they so focused on the viewpoint that they never end up see how others are reacting to theirs idea and get feedback. Giver shift their frame of reference to receipt perspective, to help colleagues effectively, we need to step outside as frame of reference, “how will they receipt feel in this situation.
The belief of the leader can catalyze self-fulfilling prophecies, genuine interest / belief in potential of the employee, thus engage action that support others and communicate that belief.
Taker view others as takers, they hold low expectation for potential of the peers. Matcher supporter only what they see the evidence of promise “, they tend to miss out people don’t show a spark of taking / potential first . In real world, we face a limit of making a bet on one person potential means passing on others.
“Escalation of commitment “- people make an initial investment go sour, they at risk of increasing their investment
1. Biased in face of previous investment
2. Anticipated regret – Will i be sorry that I didn’t try
3. Project completion – If i keep investing, i will finish
4. Ego Threat – If i don’t keep investing, I look like a foul.
People make more accurate and creative decision when they choose for others than themselves.
Grit bring giver the dedication to others, givers are willing to work harder and long than takers/ matchers. He give until others can live without him. Taker strive to be the smartest people in the room, givers are receptive to expertise from others.
Power of powerless communication , there are 2 fundamental of influence, dominance (Authority ) or Prestige (respect ). Powerless communication is to made yourself vulnerable, called out an elephant in the room.
Pratfall effect : Expert make mistake, it make him more human and less distant, audience like him more, when average make mistake, audience dislike him more. The more you talk, the more you think you have learned about the group. Every time when we deliver a powerful persuasive message – it make audience suspicious.
Art of advocacy – Lead you to my conclusion on your terms. By asking people question on plans / intention, likelihood they act on those plans and intentions. Advice seeking, what a surprisingly effective strategy for exercising influence when look authority, as we express our vulnerability, ask question, talk tentatively, Seeking advice is a subtle way to invite someone to make a commitment.
A selfless giver have high on other interest and low self interest, he is willing to give more than he receive, but self-interest is in sight. When we experience a giver burnout, we can shift to less to do with amount of giving, more with the amount of feedback about impact of giving, so the cure for burnout is see your impact and change of context – new setting, new people.
Chunking ( 1task/day) vs sprinkling (0.2 taskX5 days), happiness increase when people do 1 task a day. 100hrs volunteering lay on the sweet spot of fresh, not overwhelm/exhausted giving. When we are under stress, we are in fight of flight mode, we cope by flight by avoiding when we have no energy yo fight, when we are stress, brain’s nature response is to release chemical help us bond.
Sincere screening : offer help to genuine people who want to get on board. Shift your focus from his feeling to other\s through, giver able to see the takers eye and adjust his strategy. When giver spot a taker, he become a matcher, tits for tat, start out co-operation, stay co-op until partner co-operate, people will do more for others, treat yourself as “others”. Think yourself as an agent, represent family’s interest. Relational act – Request that high light concern for the interest of others, not only oneself.
Name similarity – we have more chance in jo, people are more enthusiastic, friendly, open minded when they met someone kind of remind of themselves. Optimal distinctiveness, we all want to fit in and stand out. By joining a unique give us connection while stand out from other group.